We all have a certain idea about heartbreak. For me the strongest heartbreak memory has been the one I experienced 3 years ago when I lost myself after inexplicably losing the guy I had madly fallen for. It lasted several months and went through different stages; some were painful, some were relieving and some were shameful.
However, nearly two months ago I got out of a “long-term” relationship and what I experienced was a moment of clarity rather than heartbreak. I remember going out on a beautiful December night and out of nowhere listening to my ex now boyfriend being such a slob attempting to break up with me in the most graceless and tacky way. And right then I felt like my heart turned into ice and I couldn’t feel a thing.
It had been one of the worst periods in my life, since I lost my father, and it was like I couldn’t feel any more pain. Shocked and emotionless I stood up and left. I needed some fresh air and a ride home where I could calmly think what had just happened and probably burst into tears. No tear was shed from my eyes that night or on the nights that followed. And I am a person who cries a lot. I mean a lot.
I got home and rushed to my room. But as soon as I got there I realized I had nothing to let out. I ate some dinner and switched on the TV. The astonishingly good-looking face of Michael Fassbender immediately lifted my spirits. And at that moment I realized 2 very important things.
First, breakup is not a bad thing. Loss is what brings you back to life, especially during dark periods in your life when you feel like you’ve lost your purpose. Loss breaks you and fixes you at the same time, and the fixed self is always stronger than the old self.
The second thing I realized is that we spend too much time grieving and being angry at the person we used to be with. It is a meaningless waste of our precious time. Whether they broke up with us or they made us break up with them, anger won’t bring absolution or justice. Life has never been fair anyway. Instead of wasting all this time cursing and regretting we should be thanking the ones who left us; simply because they did us a favor. When something is not working, there is no fucking way is gonna work in the future either. The sooner you get out the better.
The next days after the breakup were extremely better than what I had anticipated. Like a huge burden was lifted from my back and with that gone my luck finally turned! I could see clearer, I found the self that I had lost. These almost 2 years I spent with him were definitely not a blast, but I don’t regret a single moment either. Or maybe the only thing I do regret is that I handed you a heart worth breaking as Nickelback would have put it, because the difference between me and him is that I have a soul while he sadly lacks one. No hard feelings though so let’s lighten things up…!
“And when the broken-hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be…”
So, whatever happened just let it be and let it GO! The only thing that matters is to be happy and if the person you’re with cannot or does not want to make you happy then farewell! The only one you should rely on for your happiness is yourself and nobody else. I am much happier now and relieved I didn’t waste any more time. I have more confidence in myself and absolute independence. I also fantasize more without any guilt and I feel much sexier. Rarely do I feel miserable now. I laugh more and get more excited with everything new that comes my way.
And things do come my way now! Things that I craved for in my life, like a job and meeting new people happened to me just after he left! He wasn’t very sociable and optimistic and that dragged me down. It was like he was holding me back. I got in touch with friends that I really missed because I was with him almost all the time, I have more time for myself and my busier schedule and I also met new nicer people. Single me is much more lucky, attractive and successful! Tons of people understand me better than he ever did. My life now is less dull and much more fun and unexpected!
And trust me when I say this: we mistakenly believe that being in a relationship will make us feel good about ourselves. I’ve never felt better for myself that this very moment. I was trapped in this relationship; trapped by the idea that I should be happy, when I clearly wasn’t. When you are in an unsuccessful relationship, you expect more things and you get disappointed all the time. It wasn’t good for me because I wasn’t becoming a better, fulfilled person. I set myself free from all this drama. Now I am free, independent and joyful. I can be anything I want. Whatever I need I go and get it. I dare more, I take chances, I am less shy and ashamed, I deal with my demons and I do things my way, I don’t need anybody else! I feel awakened, younger, free and alive!!!
My life with him was so tamed and little… While I “love those who love life and their sadness becomes their power. I love those who are innocent and kind even if life was harsh on them and realize that they don’t know everything, because nobody knows everything. I love those who create something big from something small, for themselves and for the people they love. And they never get tired of searching for beauty in every single day, into other people’s smiles…” ‘Complaint’, Odysseus Elytis.
Do it the swinging and fabulous way and stop wasting your time in mediocre relationships when you can have something much more fulfilling and exciting. Don’t settle for safety. Don’t be led by fear. Brave people are happy people! Chase your dreams! Just go for it! I am determined to find my ideal other half and nothing will stop me!
My Relationship Goals Are: Be with someone that makes you shine! Find someone who will reply a big fat certain ‘YES!’ to the Kook’s question ‘Could you love me when the whole world is crashing all around?’ If you don’t have that move on and keep on searching for your soulmate! Create more chances for yourself, chances for the real happiness you deserve!
Best wishes to all the lonely hearts out there! Love is all we need!!! xoxo