“Perhaps the only difference between me and other people was that I’ve always demanded more from the sunset, more spectacular colors when the sun hit the horizon. That’s perhaps my only sin.”
Nymphomaniac was one of those movies that really left its stigma on me. I had just experienced a huge heartbreak and felt like I wanted to say so many things, but I couldn’t. And it was like this movie spoke for me, through me. I stepped on the stage and performed a monologue from this movie and it really set my heart free. These words will always have a special meaning for me. It was a rite of passage; it helped me to move on, accept and expose my weakness. So, thank you Lars von Trier.
WARNING! The following monologue does not contain any harsh or sexual language. (Got ya!)
“If you asked him, he would have said that I was the one who declared war. He often took me with him to town, only to hold his coat. It was about this time that a dramatic change happened inside of me. I could suddenly see a kind of order in the mess. It was all very very wrong. I wanted to be one of Jerome’s things. I wanted to be picked up and put down again and again. I wanted to be treated by his hands according to some sophisticated principle that I didn’t understand. And it was not only his hands. It was as everything about him was different, which of course it wasn’t and I knew that in my head and I scolded myself for seeing him in this new light. It was worse than the saying that love is blind. No. Love distorts things or even worse love is something you’ve never asked for. The erotic was something I asked for or even demanded, but not this idiotic love. I felt humiliated by it. And all the dishonesty that follows. You know, the erotic is about saying Yes. Love though, appeals to those instincts locked up in lies. How do you say Yes when you mean No and vice versa. I am ashamed of what I became, but it was beyond my control.”